The Quest for the Platinum Fart

Where do we start?(set: $dragon = 0) I guess, at [[the beginning]]. Or maybe, at [[the end]]. which one?

In the beginning, was a noise. It sounded like this: "Blip blop wibble blibble bloop blorp." And [[you]] thought, [[what the heck is that]]?

Why didn't you have an adventure? [[too late]] now.

You lose!!!!!!!!

You're a fish, by the way. (set: $dragon = 0) [[back|the beginning]] or if you want transform into a [[dragon]]

(if: $dragon is 1)[You breathe fire at it, but you miss and it ignores you.] (if: $dragon is 0)[You flop out of the water at it. It is completely ineffective.] It's some kind of mutant one-horned frog! |Unifrog joins your party| [[Time for adventure]]!

OK, you're a dragon now. (set: $dragon = 1) [[Wait no make me a fish|you]] [[OK cool thanks|the beginning]]

OK, cool. You and unifrog head off to seek the platinum fart. But somehow, there's a rock golem right outside your house! What do you do? [[fight golem]] [[flee golem]]

(if: $dragon is 1)[You breathe fire at it and it explodes.] (if: $dragon is 0)[You flop around but it doesn't do anything. Luckily, Unifrog hits it with his horn and it explodes.] |You got the wheels| |YOU WIN THE FIGHT!| (if: $dragon is 0)[You attach the wheels to your fishbowl; much easier to move around now.] (if: $dragon is 1)[You look at the wheels with confusion.] [[Onward!]]

"AAAAAAAAAAAA" you yell. "AAAAAAAAAAAAA" yells Unifrog. "AAAAAAAAAAAAA" yells the golem, before hitting you both on the head and putting you into a sack. |[[You have been captured|too late]]|

You and Unifrog continue to wander in the forest. "How will we ever find this platinum fart, anyway?" you ask. "My horn knows the way!" says Unifrog. "Oh, cool, that's convenient. Where does your horn say to go?" you ask. "SPAAAAACE" bellows Unifrog. (if: $dragon is 1)["Well, I can fly pretty high, but I'd need some way to breathe up there," you say.] (if: $dragon is 0)["I can breathe fine in my fishbowl, but how are we going to get there?" you ask.] "I KNOW A GUY" says Unifrog. He's in a bellowing mood. [[OK let's find this guy I guess]]

You stroll into a small village. The villagers eye you with suspicion. "This way," beckons Unifrog, as he bounds cheerfully down a dark alleyway. It seems to be getting darker and darker the further you go, even though it's the middle of the day. A cat hisses at you and runs away. Soon even the mice have disappeared, and you and Unifrog are totally alone. Unifrog does not seem to notice. "Just a little further!" he says. [[Suggest maybe turning back? This place is creepy]] [[Keep following]]

"Hey uh Unifrog this place is creepy as heck, let's head back," you say. "What? Really?" Unifrog looks around. There's graffiti on the wall that reads "GET OUT". "Huh. OK. I guess you're right," he says. You start to turn back, but you don't get far before you meet an angry mob of villagers, carrying torches and pitchforks and lasers. [[They surround and capture you.|too late]]

You swallow hard, and keep going down the alley. Near the wall, you see two lazer guns. |you got the lazers| (if: $dragon is 1)[You eat them. now your fire also has lazer power!] (if: $dragon is 0)[You add them to your fishbowl. Now you can fight!] Soon you reach a little hut. It has a neon sign on it that says "Jimmy's CyberShack!" Unifrog doesn't even slow down, and hops directly inside. "Unifrog!" yells Jimmy when he sees you both. "It's been a dog's age! How've you been?" (Is that even an expression? you wonder. I'm genuinely not sure.) You also notice he is pixelated. Maybe he's from cyberspace? "Jimmy! We need (if: $dragon is 1)[a space helmet](if: $dragon is 0)[transportation to space]!" bellows Unifrog, always the bellower. "No problem, put these on," Jimmy says, handing you both Cyberspace Googles. Goggles. Glagles? "When you put these on," He says, "a cyberspace portal will appear. There, you'll find what you need and a portal to real space!" [[CYBERSPACE!!!!! OH YEAH!!!!]]

When you enter the portal, you come out in a massive pixelated world. "wow!" you say. 1s and 0s whoosh by. Everything is neon colours and cubes, so many cubes. "Which one of these cubes has got the goods?" you ask Unifrog. "**//WHAT IS IT YOU DESIRE!//**" says a cube. "We're trying to go into space and not die," says Unifrog. "**//TAKE THIS SPACE CUBE//**" says the cube. "**//IT ALLOWS NON-CYBER CREATURES TO SURVIVE IN SPACE AND ALSO TELEPORTS YOU THERE//**" A cube that looks much like all the other cubes -- maybe slightly more beige -- suddenly appears floating before your eyes. "Wow, thanks, what's the catch?" you ask. "**//INSIDE THE SPACE CUBE IS A CYBER NINJA. IT'S HIS CUBE. YOU MUST DEFEAT HIM IN CYBER BATTLE.//**" says the cube. [[RPG]]

Da-da-la-da-da-la-eeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooowwwwwwwwww YOU ENCOUNTER THE PIXELATED NINJA. YOU: (if: $dragon is 1)[>[[breathe lazer fire]] ] (if: $dragon is 0)[>[[shoot lazers]] ] >[[guard]] UNIFROG: >[[skewer]] >[[guard]]

You breathe lazer fire. 1000 HP of damage to the pixelated ninja. |The pixelated ninja became tame!| |The pixelated ninja joined your party!| [[TO SPAAAACE]]

You shoot lazers. 1000 HP of damage to the pixelated ninja. |The pixelated ninja became tame!| |The pixelated ninja joined your party!| [[TO SPAAAACE]]

Seriously? You think you can guard against a ninja? [[Good luck with that, clown|too late]]!

Unifrog attacks! 1000 HP of damage to the pixelated ninja. The pixelated ninja became tame! YOU WIN! |pixelated ninja joins your party.| [[TO SPAAAACE]]

SPAAAAACE. It's big! It's empty. There are planets here. And stars. And... asteroids? Space junk? Satellites? Norbulas? Galaxaxes! "But where is the fabled Platinum Fart?" You ask. "IN A MOON OF URANUS!!" Bellows Unifrog. Oh right, moons, I forgot about those. There are moons in space! "Well let's head to Uranus then!" says Pixelated Ninja. [[ok what else are we gonna do]]

You land on Poom, the moon of Uranus. But then, your **//SPACE CUBE//** gets blown up by lazers! [[RPG2]]

Da-da-la-da-da-la-eeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooowwwwwwwwww YOU ENCOUNTER THE SPACE ROBOT YOU:(if: $dragon is 1)[>[[BREATHE LAZER FIRE2]]] (if: $dragon is 0)[>[[SHOOT LAZERS2]]] >[[DODGE]] UNIFROG: [[SKEWER2]] >[[DODGE]] PIXELATED NINJA: >[[NINJA STAR]] >[[DODGE]]

You breathe lazer fire! The space robot explodes! YOU WIN! |You got the Platinum Fart!| "[[But how are we going to get back home?]]" you ask.

You shoot lazers at the robot! The space robot explodes! YOU WIN! |You got the Platinum Fart!| "[[But how are we going to get back home?]]" you ask.

The robot fires a homing missile! Dodges don't do anything! [[You explode|too late]]

Unifrog skewers the robot with his horn! The space robot explodes! YOU WIN! |You got the Platinum Fart!| "[[But how are we going to get back home?]]" you ask.

Pixelated Ninja throws a ninja star! The space robot explodes! YOU WIN! |You got the Platinum Fart!| "[[But how are we going to get back home?]]" you ask.

"I CAN HELP WITH THAT!" says a voice. "I AM THE SNORE STARCUTTER!" You turn around and see a big ship with no one inside it. "GET INSIDE ME AND I'LL FLY YOU BACK HOME!" [[OK home]] [[no I don't trust this guy]]

|Snore Starcutter joins your party!| You get into Snore Starcutter. Soon, you reach home! When you get to your house, the Pixelated Ninja says, " You know, I'm actually Jimmy!" "WOW!" Bellows Unifrog. And so, Jimmy moved to your house and you all lived there happily ever after...UNTIL NEXT TIME. |YOU WIN!| CREDITS CO-DEVELOPER - Jeremy Penner CO-DEVELOPER - Eric Penner

"No, I Don't trust you." You say. " Yeah," Chimes in Unifrog, " you're stealing my Bellow™." "OK THEN, IF YOU SAY SO!" says the Snore Starcutter, and flys away. [[you are stranded forever|too late]]