#Tournament 2015
You have arrived at the one, the only, Tournament 2015. Hopes of acclaim! Promises of material gain! Dreams of glory! And, for the low of self-esteem, dreams of brief contentment! All of these are in the air, as you stride, feet-downward, across the drawbridge and into the venue.
Thousands of your fellow competitors surround you. Oh, to think that these friendly peers are the sole obstacles in your path to victory! But, as is custom, you're forbidden to quench your violent urges until the tournament ritual declares it. Such mighty self-restraint it asks of you - but oh, how mighty the euphoria when you are able to relinquish it!
(link:"[next]")[\
Such thoughts of pugilistic philosophy turn in your mind like the zodiac in the skies, until the great gong app on your phone sounds, and you are guided by a telepathic message to your first bracket match.
[[Begin]]
\]
#Match (print:(history:)'s length)
{(move: $enemies's 1st into $enemy)
(move: $brackets's 1st into $bracket)}\
You are in the ''$bracket Bracket''.
''You'' (6012th seed)
(css:"font-size:85%")[Catchphrase: "//Hello.//"]
==><==
''Versus''
==>
''(print:$enemy's name)'' ((print:$enemy's seed)(if:$enemy's seed is 1)[st](else:)[th] seed)
(css:"font-size:85%")[Catchphrase: "//(print:$enemy's catchphrase)//"]
(set: $enemies to (a:(datamap:
"name", "Frog Warrior",
"seed", 4590,
"catchphrase", "I lost my tail, but I won't lose this!",
"victory", "Dodging your over-eager thumb-stab, she pins your thumb with her finger-webbing! A near-instant victory!"
),(datamap:
"name", "Defenseless Slug",
"seed", 9987,
"catchphrase", "I hope I can win, despite having no limbs at all.",
"victory", "You unwittingly say 'R-E-C-I-E-V-E' instead of 'R-E-C-E-I-V-E', knocking you out of the spelling bee!"
),(datamap:
"name", "Mr. Ten Trenchcoats",
"seed", 769,
"catchphrase", "The heat beneath my ten layers of heavy, muffling, stifling trenchcoats… It burns with the fury of a thousand suns!!",
"victory", "Distracted by the cold, you knock your curling-stone with your foot - an infraction that costs you the game."
),(datamap:
"name", "Cinderwick Taper",
"seed", 5505,
"catchphrase", "This isn't the end! I'm burning what's left of my wax to get to (print:$bracket)s Finals!",
"victory", "You almost win, but a dribble of wax falls from her head onto your straining hand. The next moment: arm-wrestling defeat."
),(datamap:
"name", "Dr. Aria Fortissimo",
"seed", 5368,
"catchphrase", "These philistines have no respect for true artistic innovation! My avant-garde emergent storytelling techniques are lost on them!",
"victory", "As you set up a pawn wall and prepare for control of the center, she spends her first 10 turns moving her queen-side knight forward, then back, over and over. You are moved by her stark portrayal of the futility of all conflict, and the nihilistic observation that the satisfaction of human urges is ultimately futile in a cold, mechanistic universe. Deeply impressed, you forfeit immediately out of sheer respect.
You'll totally wallop her next time, though."
),(datamap:
"name", "Billy 'Comeback' Friendhavor",
"seed", 6809,
"catchphrase", "I know I can come back, because I have friends! That's more important than winning!",
"victory", "Spurred by a barrage of jeers, insults and emotional blackmail from his friends in the audience, he resists your onslaught and pins you in the second round."
),(datamap:
"name", "Shara Vaunt",
"seed", 6013,
"catchphrase", "Listen! This tournament is a front – a cover for a sinister organisation! The organiser, Aurelius Asmodeus, will abduct the winners and clone them into super-soldiers! I know… My father suffered that fate last year. I chose to meet you here, in bracket, because only you have the latent psi power to break Aurelius's mind-meld. Come, join me! Refuse to fight, and turn our might against our captors!",
"victory", "You fell for the oldest trick in the book. As you drop your controller, her Marth zero-to-deaths your Young Link in seconds flat."
),(datamap:
"name", "Shadow You",
"seed", -6102,
"catchphrase", "(text-style:'smear')[Hello.]",
"victory", "After they successfully go-seek you in a bush, 12:58:04, you take 13:12:18 to go-seek their dark form hiding under the exact same bush."
),(datamap:
"name", "Perficere Lucifer",
"seed", 1,
"catchphrase", "Yes, I admit it. I threw my first 8 matches. Gave them away like kisses to the crowd! It's my thing, see, that I always win after winning the finals of each bracket – each tier's toughest foes, one after the other. The longest road to victory - who dares face a man who chooses that road? And now, if you please…",
"victory", "Thirty blocks in, his signature bold flourish as he draws his block suddenly causes the Jenga tower to topple!
You did it! //You eliminated Perficere Lucifer//, the 1st seed! The audience is in an uproar! The press is galloping to your side! Surely the Gods themselves have had their breath taken away!"
),(datamap:
"name", "Defenseless Slug",
"seed", 9987,
"catchphrase", "I hope I can win, despite having no limbs, as well as being burnt, beaten up, frozen, suplexed, and covered in tennis-ball fluff.",
"victory", "What?! D-E-I-G-N-E-D is a word?! //What the frick?!//
This is it. Your double-defeat by the 9987th seed is so deflating, so underwhelming, that your victory against Perficere Lucifer is retroactively overturned."
)
))
(set: $brackets to (a:"Winners","Losers","Double-Losers","Bottom","Garbage","Catastrophe","Annihilation","H.E.L.L.","'You Tried'","'You Tried'"))
(display:"Match text")
==><==
3...
2...
1...
<==
(link:"COMPETE")[{
(print:$enemy's victory)
(if:$brackets's length > 0)[<br>
[[Continue->Begin]]
]
(else:)[<br>
[[You have been eliminated.->Finally accept defeat]]
]}]
Well, looks like that's your run… But still, you think as Tournament 2015 security escorts you through the maze of service alleys behind the venue so as not to darken the remaining matches with the stink of your failure, isn't it all about having fun and meeting new people, though? Imagine all the quirky, delightful competitors you met along the way… The lizard woman… The angry scientist… That guy who wore seven vests… Could it not be said that this was the most people you have ever met in your entire life, and ever will meet? Surely, you think as the escorts abandon you in an alley intersection to fend for yourself amidst dumpsters and vacant catering trucks, //you// are the true winner of this tournament, by definition?
Yes, you think as you construct a huge trophy case out of pallets and milk crates and proudly stand inside, that surely must be the case.